When Family Triangles Cross Into Love – The Hidden Impact on Our Boundaries in Relationships

Sivan Avni
Apr 20
4 min read

Updated: May 4

How Family Triangles Shape Our Boundaries in Intimate Relationships

Are your relationship boundaries being stretched by your family?

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define us within our relationships – they help us know where we begin and where we end, and what we are willing to allow into our lives and what we are not. But when family triangles enter our romantic relationships, those boundaries can become blurred, stretched, and sometimes even disappear altogether.

In this blog post, we’ll explore how family triangles affect our relationship boundaries and how we can rebuild healthy, clear boundaries to protect and deepen our couplehood.

How Do Family Triangles Disrupt Boundaries in Relationships?

Family triangle patterns affect how we define and maintain our boundaries in relationships. Sometimes, they lead us to lose ourselves in the relationship or be unable to stand up for what’s important to us.

Here are three ways in which family triangles tend to disrupt boundaries in intimate relationships:

Family members interfering in the relationship:
We may allow parents or siblings to step into our couplehood, offering advice or criticizing our choices, out of a need to maintain the relationship with them or avoid conflict. This leaves us torn between loyalties and weakens our ability to protect our relationship.
A sense of over-identification with the partner:
Family triangles can also cause us to feel that we must adapt to our partner’s needs, even at the expense of our own needs and boundaries. We sacrifice ourselves to avoid conflict or to receive approval, and in doing so, we lose our autonomy within the relationship.
Feeling obligated to meet the extended family’s needs at the expense of the couple:
Family triangles can create a sense of constant availability to our family of origin – parents, siblings, or children from previous marriages – even when this drains the time and energy we would otherwise devote to our couple. The result is stress, exhaustion, and emotional distance.

A Story from the Clinic: How Efrat and Eyal’s Boundaries Were Crossed by Family Triangles

Efrat and Eyal came to couples therapy because their boundaries had been crossed. Efrat felt she couldn’t set clear limits with her parents, who were involved in everything—from parenting decisions to financial investments. Eyal felt that Efrat was allowing her parents to control their relationship and that she always took “their side” instead of his.

Efrat grew up in a home where she had to be the “good girl,” constantly pleasing her parents to earn their approval. She carried this pattern into her relationship and didn’t know how to set boundaries with them. On the other hand, Eyal came from a family where boundaries were clearly defined and firmly held. He couldn’t understand why Efrat wasn’t protecting their couplehood.

In therapy, Efrat learned how to set healthy boundaries with her parents and began recognizing her value as a partner and mother. Eyal, in turn, learned how to listen to and support her on this journey. Together, they could release the influence of the family triangles and build boundaries that safeguarded their relationship.

How Can You Build Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationship and Protect Your Bond?

Here are three initial steps to creating authentic and healthy boundaries in your couplehood:

Identify the areas where boundaries are blurred:

Sit together and share where your boundaries are being stretched or crossed due to family triangle dynamics. Identifying these pressure points is the first step in creating new and healthy boundaries.

Set boundaries with love and respect:

Remember, boundaries are not walls—they’re not meant to divide but to protect what matters to us. When setting a boundary, explain to your partner why it’s important to you and what it protects. This will help your partner understand and support you more deeply.

Commit to an ongoing process of boundary maintenance:

Boundaries are not a one-time fix – they require ongoing care and attention. Make it a habit to check in with each other about your boundaries, how you feel about them, and whether adjustments are needed. This ensures that your boundaries continue to serve you and your relationship.

Couples Practice Space: Setting Boundaries Together

“Boundary Map” Exercise:

Sit together, and each of you draws your map of personal boundaries. What boundaries are essential for you to maintain in the relationship? Where do you feel your boundaries have been crossed? Share your maps with each other and talk about how you can support each other in maintaining them.

“Boundary Declaration” Exercise:

Each of you writes a boundary statement – a sentence that expresses your most important boundary and what it is protecting. For example: “My boundary is that I need one evening a week to recharge, so I can be more present in our relationship.” Share your statements with each other and commit to honoring them.

To Summarize:

How can we release the impact of family triangles and build healthy relationship boundaries?

Family triangles can blur boundaries and make it difficult to protect our relationships. But when we learn to recognize these influences and set clear, healthy boundaries, we give our relationships the space to grow from a place of trust, respect, and love.

If you feel your boundaries are being stretched in your relationship because of family triangles, I invite you to begin a therapeutic journey with me. Together, we’ll learn how to build firm boundaries and create a resilient, balanced partnership.

Sivan Avni – Couples Therapy Integrating Family Constellation and Differentiation