Couples Therapy for Jealousy: What is Othello Syndrome and What Can We Learn From It About Love and Jealousy?
- Sivan Avni
- Apr 13
- 6 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
How do you deal with jealousy in a relationship? Can jealousy protect love, or is it a threat that gnaws at the foundation of the relationship?
Othello Syndrome is a painful and complex example of how jealousy, which can preserve relationships, can also become destructive. Named after the Shakespearean character, this syndrome describes a situation in which morbid suspicion takes over a relationship, turning every little detail into evidence of infidelity.
In this blog article, we will discover how love and jealousy are intertwined and what we can learn about ourselves from the story of Othello and Desdemona.
Othello and Desdemona – When love is woven out of jealousy
Othello, the hero of William Shakespeare's tragic play, was a brave warrior and a man of honor, who fell in love with Desdemona, a young and noble woman, with a strength and sincerity that conquered both of them.
Desdemona admired Othello for his courage and skills, and how he told the story of his life, which was full of challenges and triumphs. Their love was a burning and unbridled passion, but also one that exposed their fragility. Despite their deep love, the tragedy begins when Iago, an officer in Othello's army, begins to weave a web of lies and deceit to arouse Othello's jealousy. Iago exploited Othello's latent insecurity and planted in his heart the idea that Desdemona was unfaithful to him. Through calculated manipulations, he aroused in Othello relentless suspicions that led him to lose his grip on reason and trust.
The play presents a painful mirror to the fears that accompany us in relationships even today.
How do we deal with jealousy?,
What story are we telling ourselves within our relationship?
Can we free ourselves from the internal and external manipulations that lead us to destroy the relationships we hold most dear?
Understanding the roots of jealousy is crucial. What is Othello Syndrome in Relationships, and how does it arise? By understanding these, we can gain control over our emotions and their impact on our relationships.
The 'Othello Syndrome' is a testament to how deep-seated fears can take over our sense of security in relationships. In this condition, suspicions about a partner are not based on facts but on feelings and beliefs that grow out of pain, vulnerability, and a damaged sense of self-worth. It's a form of pathological jealousy that can lead to destructive behaviors and severe relationship issues.
Ask yourself:
Are there fears I haven't faced that shape how I perceive my relationship?
Are there past experiences that activate me without me noticing?
Psychological roots:
In many cases, people with Othello syndrome carry emotional baggage from their childhood. Imagine a child who watched one parent cheat on the other or experienced repeated feelings of abandonment.
Such traumas create lenses through which the person interprets the reality of the relationship, sometimes with distortions that reflect old fears.
Ask yourself:
Do I see my partner through the eyes of fears from my past?
Biological effects:
Studies indicate that conditions such as brain injuries, changes in brain structure, or neurological disorders such as dementia can cause increased feelings of suspiciousness.
Alcohol and substance use can also trigger excessive jealousy patterns.
Complex couple dynamics:
Relationships with poor communication, unresolved conflicts, or a sense of emotional distance are breeding grounds for suspicion. When parties have difficulty expressing feelings or communicating clearly, the gaps are filled with guesswork and fear.
Ask yourself:
Do I express my needs openly?
Do I allow my partner to truly understand me?
Cultural context:
People may confuse natural feelings of concern with obsessive-controlling behavior in societies where jealousy is presented as evidence of love or loyalty. These cultural messages make distinguishing between healthy concern and harmful suspicion difficult. Othello Syndrome invites us to look inward and ask:
To what extent do our old fears affect our present relationships?
Do we see our partners as they are, or through the lenses of our past?
Understanding these factors is the first step in couples therapy for jealousy. This therapy has the potential to bring healing and balance to your relationships, offering a hopeful path forward.
How do you deal with jealousy in a relationship, and how does it affect relationships?
The effects of Othello syndrome go far beyond the suspicions themselves. They touch the very heart of the relationship, shaking its foundations:
Erosion of Trust:
When one partner lives in constant suspicion, they lose the ability to see their significant other in a positive and authentic light. Doubts seep into every interaction, leaving a sense that the ground is constantly shifting beneath their feet. Trust—the foundation of any intimate relationship—gradually crumbles until even innocent gestures become grounds for conflict. This erosion of confidence can lead to a breakdown of the relationship's core, making it difficult to rebuild the connection..
An Endless Cycle of Conflict: Jealousy breeds ongoing confrontations. Each conflict leaves new emotional wounds and deepens the sense of disconnection. While the jealous partner seeks reassurance and relief, their significant other often feels attacked and misunderstood, leading to repeated cycles of defensiveness and blame.
Harm to Mental and Physical Health: Constant anxiety wears down the jealous partner, who may experience emotional exhaustion, restlessness, and physical symptoms such as insomnia or high blood pressure. At the same time, their partner may struggle with depression, low self-worth, and a sense of hopelessness.
Social Isolation: Othello syndrome often extends beyond the relationship itself. The jealous partner may restrict their loved one’s social life, gradually severing connections with friends, family, and coworkers, leaving the couple alone within a closed loop of tension and conflict.
Loss of Intimate Connection: When a relationship becomes dominated by suspicion and anger, warmth and intimacy fade. In their place, the couple experiences growing emotional distance and alienation, which can deepen until the bond begins to break.
Yael and Edan in couples therapy for jealousy: A story from my clinic. Their story may resonate with many of you, as they came to me for couples therapy with a deep sense of despair and burnout in their relationship.
Yael and Edan came to me for couples therapy with a deep sense of despair and burnout in their relationship.
Edan was convinced that his partner of ten years was cheating on him, even though he had no proof. Yael, on the other hand, felt attacked daily, and her instinctive response was to distance herself, to withdraw, and to diminish herself in the relationship. Edan's suspicion and Yael's disengagement created a continuous cycle of distance and pain.
Working with the Distinctions Approach, a method that helps identify and bridge the gaps between fears and reality in relationships, we explored the connections between Edan's feelings of jealousy and his family past. I delved into Edan's family history using the Family Constellation technique, a therapeutic method that examines family dynamics and their influence on individual behavior. He recalled his father, who, despite his secure appearance, had an ongoing affair that ended in a complicated divorce. For Edan, this trauma was etched as an inevitable script in his relationships.
We also worked on strengthening Yael's sense of worthiness within the relationship. Through exercises that dealt with identifying her boundaries and expressing needs directly but empathetically, she learned to maintain a presence in the couple's space without closing herself off or running away.
Through mirroring exercises, they developed a new language as a more open and less judgmental couple. One of the significant stops in the therapy was when Yael and Edan were able to share their hidden fears and pain courageously. For Edan, it was the fear of being abandoned and facing the pain from the past. For Yael, it was the guilt implanted in her for not being “enough” in the relationship. This sharing created a space where intimacy could flourish again.
Edan and Yael began to build a reality in which their relationship was no longer based on suspicion but on a sense of mutual trust. They relearned to listen, see, and be together in a way that allowed healing to occur.
Start your journey today
Jealousy doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship; it can also be an opportunity to reflect and strengthen the bond. Often, jealousy indicates an unmet need or a fear of seeking expression.
Through in-depth therapeutic work, jealousy can be transformed into a source of personal and marital growth. Together, we can explore the roots of fears, learn to identify the patterns that harm the relationship, and replace them with new approaches based on trust, confidence, and true partnership.
If you recognize yourself or your partner in these patterns, I invite you to take the first step toward change. Let's explore together how to build a deep and meaningful connection that is based on warmth, security, and a sense of mutual worthiness.
🪬🪬🧄🧅Sivan Avni - Systemic Process-Oriented Couple Constellation
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